I'm passionate about the subject, I talk about it regularly and I even launched The Boys Club, a podcast on the subject that comes out every other Wednesday! ask why I want to cause masculinity on madmoiZelle, I explain everything in the FAQ (with the help of Antoine Daniel ♥) .Autant tell you that when I saw passing the TED Talk of Justin Baldoni, aka Rafael in the excellent Jane the Virgin series, entitled Why I'm trying to be "man enough" (why I stop trying to be a "real guy"), I squeaked loudly. conference was held as part of TEDWomen 2017. Inspirational women delivered powerful speeches on harassment, speaking out, the place of women in prison … Justin Baldoni talks about a subject that is close to his heart: what is a man, and how can we on our scale hand over this finishing in question.
The actor begins by tracing the thread of his career. In Jane the Virgin, he plays Rafael the seducer, virile, macho limit. Before that he played: rapists, students, scammers … very often shirtless, well!
Justin enjoys his roles far removed from the person he is: that's the bottom line, acting as a comedian. Pretend to be someone you are not.
Except that pretending, for him, it's not limited to film sets …
"All my life, I pretended to be a man that I am not. "
By dint of sticking to the mold of the guy, the real one, the one who must always be at ease, to have confidence in him, to be strong and unshakable, Justin is exhausted. Because all his life, he played a role.
How do you become a man?
From childhood, Justin received indications about the kind of man he was to be.
As a child, all I wanted was for the other boys to accept me and appreciate me. But for that, I had to be almost disgusted by femininity.
As we have been told that the feminine is the opposite of the masculine, I must either reject all "feminine" qualities in myself, or be rejected myself.
Of course, no one gave Justin a "manual of the real guy" as soon as he learned to read … These codes are diffused in society, in cultural productions, in the reactions of others, adults and children.
The dangerousness of this definition of "a man, a real" is particularly shown in the excellent documentary The Mask You Live In, available on Netflix.
Justin Baldoni has taken nearly 30 years to understand that qualities considered "feminine" can make him, not just a better man, but a better person!
The dangers of toxic masculinity, and the relationship to the father
Justin Baldoni greets his father, present in the audience, who is crying with tears.
Now, he explains, he loves his father with all his strength. But growing up, he was angry with her. Because his father did not stick to the codes of masculinity that the other boys expected from Justin, so he did not transmit them to him.
Above all, he taught him that to be a man was to sacrifice oneself to take care of others … even to suffer in secret.
Men, their emotions, and the blockage
So Justin also learned to suffer in secret, and especially not to ask for help.
To talk about work or politics or women, no worries, we share our opinions, but when it comes to our insecurities, our worries, our fear of failure, we are paralyzed.
Since he became aware of this, Justin tries to actively fight to get out of this scheme. He forces himself to face what scares him, instead of taking refuge behind humor or silence.
See also: These things that guys do not talk about … and that hurt them
But it is not necessarily easy. For example, he says that he had to take his friends on vacation, then wait for three days of relaxation before daring to tell them about a problem that was working on him …
He was afraid that opening up would call into question his "place" in the group, that of the leader, necessarily a man, necessarily strong.
Vulnerability, a women's affair?
Justin talks a lot about masculinity and his journey towards open-mindedness, especially on social networks where his fans warmly support him.
But the majority of his fans, he noted, are women. How to attract a male audience, the first concerned by this kind of topics?
Justin is smart. He used a Trojan horse.
To read also: How to become an alpha male, a real one?
On Instagram, he began to talk about more masculine themes: his sports routine, his training, his exercises to recover from an injury … and the men began to follow him.
A fitness magazine has even contacted him to put him in the spotlight in his series "game-changers", people who redefine the rules.
"It's really redefine the rules, that? Or is it just complying?
The guys follow me when I talk about male things and I conform to gender norms.
But if I talk about my love for my wife, my daughter, my son, if I say that marriage is a wonderful challenge, if I mention my relationship to my body, if I talk about gender equality, it does not matter. Only women react.
Where are the men ? "
Also read: "They undressed me and ordered me to lose weight", or when the muscles became the norm
Justin Baldoni's challenge to men
Men, Justin explains, like to take on challenges. So he decided to give them one!
"I challenge you to use your" masculine "qualities to ask yourself about yourself. Your strength, your courage, your strength.
Do you have the courage to be vulnerable? To call another man for help when you need help? To face your shame in the face?
Are you strong enough to be sensitive, cry when you feel pain or joy, even if it makes you look weak? "
"Do you have enough confidence to listen to the women of your life? Their ideas, their solutions? Listen to their dramas and believe them, even if they stand against you?
Are you a man, a real man, to the point of reacting when you hear "locker room discussions", stories of sexual harassment?
When you hear boys talking about touching boobs or "boozing", will you act so that one day we will not have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything to say the words "Me too"? "? "
See also: Gentlemen, to fight against the harassment of women, get out of the witness effect
It's time to change the face of the world, with men
Justin Baldoni does not have the time, he says, to discuss all the areas where action needs to be taken to improve equality between women and men.
So he just remembers: there is a real problem. We must act. Now. And to evoke a quotation from Bahaism, a religion especially present in India and Iran:
"The human world has two wings: the masculine and the feminine. As long as these wings will not have equivalent strength, the bird will not fly. "
Justin Baldoni concludes by explaining that he made peace with his father, his father whom he so wanted, because he was "not enough a man". This father who, too, has suffered in secret all his life.
"My father may not have taught me to use my hands. But he taught me to use my heart. And for me, it makes him a man, a real one. "
Men's discourses on masculinity, an essential action
I can only encourage you to share Justin Baldoni's speech, show it to your brothers, your friends, your guys, your cousins, and discuss it with them. In any case, that's what I intend to do.
I think that it is essential for men to speak on the subject of masculinity, which, quite logically, concerns them directly.
To read also: "I TE VIOLE", the video punch against sexism
This TED Talk that can stick to the criteria of virility, be muscular, beard, play the seducer, and be in tune with its vulnerability, its fragility that is part of everyone, man and woman.
Justin Baldoni, a guy to follow!
Justin Baldoni is not at his first attempt at masculinity.
He's working on a male talk show project, The Men's Room, which will explore all the ways of being a man today. He also touched on the subject of masculinity in Lewis Howes' podcast:
Justin Baldoni is not only an actor, he is also a producer.
Side "vulnerability", he created a few years ago My Last Days, a documentary series around people living with incurable diseases. It was broadcast on the CW.
This is the most-watched documentary series online.
You'll understand, Justin Baldoni wins to be known, and not just like Rafael Jane the Virgin. It's a model to follow, not just for men: for everyone!
Pleasure to offer, joy of receiving, I leave you with his video of marriage proposal, become severely viral …
Spoiler, it dances and it sings. VERRY MUCH. (I'm in love let me.)
To read also: Here is what to say to a little boy who wants to put nail polish, jewels, to have the long hair …